Tuesday, November 10, 2009

facebook status updates i have censored -- UNTIL NOW


The Facebook Status Updates I Have Censored-UNTIL NOW
so it has been more than a year now that i have been on facebook. and over the months, these are the status updates i held back. this is not something to be cut and pasted and used to harrass everyone on YOUR friends list. just sit back and enjoy! or cringe...

Andrea...

...is crampy and bloated.

...wants to unfriend you, but secretly loves watching you make an ass of yourself on FB.

...couldn't care less about your dinner plans. probably all lies anyway.

...ran out of toilet paper 3 days ago. thank GOD there are paper towels!

...just drank 3 glasses of wine and is reaching for a new bottle.

...has that not-so-fresh feeling.

...still knows what you did last summer.

...is watching an Andy Griffith marathon.

...wonders why you posted that pic of yourself.

...ran 6.2 miles at 5am and still hasn't showered (5pm)

...is trolling the personals ads.

...just drove home drunk.

...drinks the tap water.

...has the runs.

...is stalking the shit out of her -ex's friends' lists.

...thinks your dog us butt ugly, but clicked "like" on its picture anyway.

...just ate a whole fucking bag of pretzels, while i posted that i just ate an orange.

...thinks you are gay.

...just shaved you know where.

...forgot to flush the toilet. who cares? the dog? no!

...knows some secrets being circulated about you on FB that would make you cringe.

...hopes this list made you laugh so hard you sharted.

Monday, November 9, 2009

circe

serendipity brought this to me today.
i don't have an island palace or power or magic,
but i get it:


But I would give up
rock-fringes of coral
and the inmost chamber
of my island palace
and my own gifts
and the whole region
of my power and magic
for your glance.

-H.D.

the brown sweater

so i had a brief but intense path-crossing with a woman who, among other things, told me about a sweater.

a brown sweater.

her FAVORITE sweater.

and it was troubling her that it was so old and there was even a hole in it and it quite possibly had seen its last days on her body.  i remember hearing about the sweater in a phone call first.  and, as always inspired by her to do, i listened to every word, every nuance, every inflection and every emotion that the woman used to describe the sweater.  her attachment to this sweater oozed lovingly from every syllable that she issued.  she adored this sweater, this was for certain.  but it was also clear that this sweater and her were soon to part ways.  it had seen its best days, she said, and the hole?  well, that hole was going to eventually be the catalyst of the soon-to-be sweater separation.  i found myself caught with her, in that seemingly trapped place of sweater-keeping indecision -- where emotional and practical vie for triumph, and wondered if perhaps she could hang on to the smallest sweetest joys that the sweater brought - at least in the SPIRIT OF small sweet joy, which of course, is huge.

it was in that phone conversation that i asked her not to toss it/donate it/recycle it just yet.

could i please SEE the sweater before you part with it?

yes, she said into her cell phone receiver.  and i could hear her smiling. but i kept that to myself, smiling.

so one day, about a week or so later, i was visiting her and we were meeting for coffee (she joined me from her office on or near to her lunch hour) and when i saw her walking toward me, i complemented her sweater. and i'll be damned if she didn't say: "this is the brown sweater i need to throw away".  i was slowed in my tracks and just could not believe it.

THAT is the sweater?  but there's nothing WRONG with it!

in fact,

let me tell you how it accentuated her perfect form.  no wait.  i cannot.  there are no words to describe that. ok then, let me tell you how beautifully the woolly brown weave blended into the long cinnamon-spiced streaks of her side-graying light-brown hair.  well, i can't do that either.  i am not that word-worthy.  ok, i wonder if i can muster how the dark of the sweater rendered a sunny day in her her sky-blue eyes?  sorry, can't give THAT justice, either.

damn.

ok, let me try this, which is more important anyway:  she looked comfy and easy and natural in it.  she was comfortable in her own skin with her own skin wrapped up in that sweater.  the old brown favorite sweater of unknown fate.  i asked her again, now looking into her eyes: 


don't throw it away to PLEASE keep it? 


this time, i SAW her smile and she nodded and said she would.

but still, she showed me the hole that bothered her so.  wow.  not only was the hole NOT VISIBLE, it just didn't matter.

it's just a hole.  a blemish that in no way shape or form (puns intended) impede the sweater's love for her nor her love for the sweater.  at this point, looking into her eyes, walking in an urgent sideways stride facing her graceful forward gait, i insisted she keep it.  i was not asking anymore:

keep the sweater.  keep.  the.  sweater.

The perfect feel and the perfect fit CAN BE imperfect in places.  a hole is not the end of the world; it's not even a setback.  it's just a hole.  it's what you DO WITH the hole that keeps the feel and fit you love alive and new.   the little hole can be filled every second with all the little things, the little joys, the little inspirations that make life feel so big.  in that spirit, you keep love alive.  because the way i see it, you can't be whole with out hole.

can you?

Friday, October 23, 2009

you can try

your best to help someone in danger:

you can show good example;
you can reach out your hand;
you can offer your time;
you can offer your love;
you can listen;
you can be gentle;
and of course, you can pray.

the thing is?

when you try to help someone, someone who REALLY needs it,
an age old cliche sometimes smacks cold in the warmth of your efforts.

you know the one.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

the adirondacks

no, not the mountain range...but maybe you will keep reading anyway?

so, i am not sure when my adult fixation on adirondack chairs began (but i can get within a couple of years and will do so in a few paragraphs) but i sure do know the reason for it.

like most of my fond childhood memories, this one is all about my grandparents, and summer visits to their home. at this point i will have to let you know that my grandparents were the salt of the earth: beautiful; peaceful; intelligent; kind to each other and everyone else. they lived simply, and mostly with their hands, even though both were white collar professionals dedicated to public service: he a WW2 Vet who was a middle school principal then a social worker, she a 1st grade teacher for more than 40 years (see what i mean?).

anyway, back those warm, breezy days on their 2-acre spread, where granddad oversaw what we called "the orchard", which consisted of 2 pear and 2 apple trees, the fruits of which grandad sliced with his swiss army pocket knife for a snack and which grandma canned, or made preserves, or pies. there was also a vegetable garden, a huge bounty of carrots and sweet potatoes and corn and cucmubers and snap beans and tomatoes. again, the harvest was canned/preserved mostly, but often picked fresh as needed for lunch or dinner. the garden was a long walk from the house, just past the orchard. and near one of the pear trees, was the chair that became known as "andrea's chair", a sturdy, wooden, hastily white-washed adirondack chair - dubbed so by my grandmother, whose affection for me was unconditional, unyielding and unmatched.

ok, my grandmother -- wow -- this woman taught me more about life, love, and living than anyone. through her gentle eyes, i saw that i was the most special person in the whole world, as did everyone she ever laid those eyes on.  let this set the tone for the rest of what you are about to read.

as a little girl, my hair was long-ish, very blonde, thick. my grandmother used to love to touch it, "pet" it, smile at me and comment on it. on accasion, she would wash it in the old timey sink in their downstairs bathroom. i really loved this time we'd spend together; she'd tell me a story as she lathered way too much johnson's baby shampoo (no more tears, thank you), usually something about my mom or aunt when they were little girls. i LIVED for these stories! she'd rub gently and thoroughly and lovingly, and always mentioned that when you rinse, you know your hair is clean when it "squeaks". i'd beg her to "make it squeak" (accomplished by her rubbing her tightly closed hands along my clean, wet locks) over and over again. just to "be sure" - and to prolong this special time i am sure. we'd hear it "squeak" 5 or 6 times before i gave the "OK" for the towel, because at the end of this ritual was what i REALLY couldn't wait to partake of. so then she'd gently dab with a huge thirsty terry cloth towel (the kind ONLY found in your grandma's linen closet), and i knew i was one step closer to the grandest of finales.

from the sink, she and i would walk together, my hair damp and the ends dotted with water droplets, out the back door, to the orchard, and over to the big white adirondack chair by the pear tree. there was something about climbing up over the top and sinking down into the chair that made my young body feel triumphant and "grown up". i'd sit still and grandma would comb the "tangles" out of my squeaky fresh hair ever so gently and we'd make sure that chair was in the sun so, as she would say, your hair can be "sun kissed" while it dries. then she'd look at me with a twinkly smile and ask, "orange or lime?" i'd usually say "lime". grandma would walk back into the house and return with a bowl full of lime sherbet for me. i'd smile and pull it close with both hands, delerious with anticipation. as i shovelled the sherbet into my watering mouth, she'd primp and fluff and "check" my hair for dryness, saying that in the time it took me to finish my sherbet, it ought to be dry. she would leave me to my lime treat, and i'd lap it up as fast as i could before the heat of the day melted it into the inevitable green puddle at the bottom of the bowl. i'd spoon this lime liquid into my mouth like cold soup and fall gently and triumphantly back into the wooden valley of that sturdy chair, clinking my spoon rhythmically on the porcelain bowl and surveying the ripe pears that had fallen from the tree around me while my hair dried. i'd gather three or four (as many would fit in my sticky-sweet bowl) and run them into my grandmother. she's smile down at me, thank me, and we'd run them under the faucet, dry them, and place them just so as a centerpiece on her table.

fast forward 30 years.

a dear friend in houston had 2 adirondack chairs on her porch. i never EVER went over her place without sitting in one and insisting she brave the heat and mosquitoes and enjoy them with me. i often recounted the story you just read, and she'd listen each time, sincerely and sweetly. one time, she even bought sherbet and brought me some in a bowl. she cracked a beer and smiled as i showed my appreciation and lapped up a childhood memory. we even had a joke between us that those chairs would be bequeathed to me in her will. i wonder if they are?

suffice it to say, any time i see an adirondack chair, especially a set of two, i smile. lately, i have taken to shooting pictures of them when i find them in unlikely places. i will share the two i have so far, and maybe i will add more as i gather more:



these two i found on a grassy knoll in washington heights, nyc, right after i got our of my car after driving 4 hours to meet a friend for a concert later that night (late sept).  i ran right over to them (on my way to her place) and snapped this one.  you can see that they overlook the staggering george washington bridge and the mighty hudson.




these two i stumbled on when i took a stroll through the willilam hill estate winery in early october.  check out the view of the rolling hills of grapes! 

right now i just wish i had a picture of that big, sturdy, wooden, hastily white-washed adirondack chair under the pear tree in my grandad's orchard.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

i woke up this morning

thinking about light-sparkled waves and sea salt on chocolate. pondering figs and wild sunflowers and peaches and cinnamon. imagining yesterdays and tomorrows where flashbacks flash forward to meet in the same frame. feeling the place where reaching out reaches much deeper inside - the place where foreign and familiar embrace under the stars. have you ever been here before?  i am.  right now.