ShelB has teenage ears! Watch the video! And take your OWN teenage hearing test!

This is a test that will produce a tone that is generally only heard by people under the age of 25. It has been used as a deterrent device to keep teenagers from loitering in malls and shops, and sounds similar to a buzzing mosquito. Typically the longer you listen to it, the more annoying it gets.

CLICK HERE to see how old your ears are. Got kids? Have them take the test! It's fun for the whole family! My dog even took the test! See how she did here.

why sotomayor is a great choice for SCOTUS:

NOT that she scraped her way out of the south bronx by making valedictorian and princeton summa cum laude scholarship and yale law review grades;

NOT that she bring more judicial experience to the bench than anyone in the last 100 years;

NOT that she is fair and aware when it comes to hot-button issues like abortion and gay marriage;

BUT

becasue she SAVED MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL!

you are invited

where: brooklyn, soho, west and east village.
how: in good company, great energy, warm breezes, gentle sun.
when: the first day of my 46th year.
why: why not?

when they said stand up i sat down

springsteen's 5/18 DC show sucked.

ok before you freak out, take a deep breath. it's mostly my fault. for bothering to get tickets. i should have known. i really did know better. sometimes i just get so blinded by hope and denial that between the two, i lose rationale (ask anyone!). and seeing bruce springsteen in washington dc in 2009 is totally irrational.

that said,

i know he's 60. i know this. and i know it was the verizon center 2009, not the bottom line 1977. i know this. and i know 80 kajillion more people (mostly dorks, who thought Born in USA was a patriotic song) like his music, i know this.

and even though and he brought SOME passion,

this show was flat and uninteresting. contrived and over-produced. sanitized, soulless. absent of everything that separates a bruce springsteen show from the pack.

yes, this one was a bust.

i don't GIVE A SHIT that the whole place sang every song word for word. i don't give a shit that it was sold out. i don't give a shit WHO told you how great it was. it wasn't. it just wasn't. i mean, even when he was clearly READING from a floor card -- how important it is to support the DC Central Kitchen (it IS!) he sounded like an obligatory radio PSA. absent of that big, brave bruce HEART.

this was especially disheartening since bruce springsteen, as we all know, can make a whole STADIUM feel his soul, or find something in YOUR soul you missed along the way. where were the personal and intimate song intro's (he CAN DO THIS in huge stadiums - HE HAS DONE THIS in huge stadiums, i SAID that already, right?) -- the way he just talks his way, making it OUR way, into a song? where was the story-teller where from inside his heart he shows you how the song happened until YOU are there, and then, you realize the band has picked up adding a whole new dimension to the experience -- that it's now YOUR story -- and just LIFTS you until you recognize the number and you clutch the arm of the person next to you and you both land right in the middle of eddies' meeting across the river or sandy's last summer, or standing stone like at midnight frozen on tenth avenue.

but it didn't happen, not ONE TIME on may 18th.

i wanted at least ONE song to make me hold tears back - for all the reasons that YOU know about. you DO know.

well, before i write myself off of the ledge, i will tell you about one (and perhaps the only) positive note in the show: as you may know, in recent bruce tour history, people make signs with catchy song request sayings on them. well, that's cool, but all you hopeful signmakers should know that unless your song is in the set list, no matter HOW FUCKING COOL YOUR SIGN IS, he won't show it. anyway, so Bruce is holding a sign and asking the floor: "WHO SENT THIS UP?" turns out a little girl sent it up and it said: "JONAS BROTHERS SCHMONAS BROTHERS! 9 YEAR OLDS ARE "OUT IN THE STREET" tonight, and, so everyone laughed i thanked god that they'd perform a song from the river (and not that fucking outlaw pete shit). and not only did he play it for the little girl, he asked for the kid to come to the stage, and people just crowd-surfed her gently across the floor to the stage and he sat down next to her on the edge of the stage and sang the song with her -- she went word for word. he, at some points, just gave her the mic and let her go. that was a very sweet moment. a total crowd-pleaser. when they were done he gave her a hug and a pat on the head and the crowd carried her back over the audience to her mom. ok -- that WAS good. but it was 1/25 of the whole shitty show. and the vibe was obliterated by that fucking outlaw pete shit.

even the encore blew. no "backstreets". no "meeting across the river" (i know he never plays that). no "jungleland". no "thunder road". NO THUNDER ROAD? FUCK THAT. no "growin' up".
NO GROWIN UP??? i mean, how can you NOT want to hear the crowd sing with you the line "when they said sit down i stood up"? BRUCE WHAT THE FUCK. that's pretty much why, when the crowd stood up i sat down. really. when they were all creamin' over that shit from the wrestler (yes yes it was a great movie butyou know what i mean), i was wondering when you were gonna play "spirit in the night". or "night".

but even though this show was clearly someone else's show (not MY show) i am still a purist, dedicated-to-the-core fan. you know why? and why i still have greetings from asbury park playing every day in my stereo? because if bruce were in my shoes may 18th, and HE had gone to that show for the reasons i did, he'd be feeling the same way. HE hasn't changed, the consumers of his music have. he is just giving the people what they want. and you can't blame the guy for that.

i think i'll put in the wild, the innocent and the e-street shuffle in now.
i like the way "incident on 57th street" flows seamlessly into "rosalita". i just wish i could have heard it the other night.

i didn't get panned!

my guest appearance as the "health expert" on Serving Donuts got a good review!
click here to see for yourself!

your homegirl security at work

Now Serving Donuts

New! Serving Donuts Podcast!
Listen to the shocking Swine Flu 911 Episode! For the week of May 5th, 2009.






ok so this was super-fun. the amazing and ubiquitous voice talent jim cutler asked me to be a "guest" on his podcast. WASH YOUR HANDS!

50 years and 400 Blows

It's in my top 10 fave films and 50 years ago this week, Truffaut's THE 400 BLOWS was released onto the world and changed cinema forever. Celebrate this milestone! Get the movie! Drink French wine, eat French pastry! Hell, French KISS somebody!

13 more days...

fab faux, warner theatre, washington, dc 09 may 2.

Imagine a night of Beatles music inside a DC landmark that once staged vaudeville shows and silent movies! So it was for me, at my first ever Fab Faux show at the Warner Theatre.

Escorted down to our orchestra seats, the breathtaking interior removed me completely from the reason I was even there. I have walked/biked/bused/driven by this theatre at 13th & E many times, but I have NEVER been inside. Wow. I was immediately rendered awestruck by the huge ripples of flowing maroon velvet cinched by gold tassels draping the majestic historic stage which was framed in guilded gold detail. Right away, I realized just how special this night was going to be. So I did the only thing possible: sat down and opened myself up for the energy to come.

set 1:

And so the lights went down and the Fab Faux sparked up launching right into the haunting first chords of I Am the Walrus. Wow. They opened with I Am the Walrus! A collective gasp from every seat was audible by the second note and a thrilling vibe took over the room. And man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allen Poe! I breathed it in and sang every word. From there was woven a well-crafted sampling of Beatles chronology from pop to psychedelia. Lady Madonna and Drive My Car with pitch-perfect harmonies had hundreds of heads bobbing and twice as many feet tapping. No sooner did Day Tripper ended than a cry from Will Lee (lead vocalist) came: "OK let's have some harmony!" And with that, four other voices unleashed Nowhere Man. After Nowhere Man made all his plans for nobody, intruments were adjusted and exchanged, and that innocently sprite opening of Here Comes the Sun brought sweet sighs across the aisles. And how could that NOT be followed by Rain? Another perfect recipe blended to vocal perfection. I Dig a Pony and Tell Me Why kept the wonder and the buzz of the night alive, but no one was prepared for While My Guitar Gently Weeps: out of nowhere, came those timeless, bittersweet opening chords. And Jimmy Vivino's guitar summoned us all to a journey where gently weeping and fiercely rocking become one, and creshendoed with the entire theater standing and offering thunderous, loving applause. Revolution closed the set with EB home boy Jack Petruzelli sneaking in some "shoop do be do wops" (Revolution number 9 anyone?) in all the right places. Wow, and we were only halfway there.

During the break, I went up to the stage to see if i could take a pic of the set list, but the very sweet stage dude asked me if i wanted it! YES! I WANT IT! I tried to be so cool when i thanked him for it but inside I was screaming like a groupie. You could just SEE the envy on people's faces when i strutted back to my seat with that set list, my peacock feathers. :)

After the break: the featured set, Revolver! Revolver was the first Beatles record I ever owned. And, to be hearing it performed at my first Fab Faux experience AND my first time inside the Warner Theatre (!!) -- does it get better that that? Oh...it DID!

set 2:

Lead-off batter is the Taxman, yeeaaaah I'm the tax maaaaan. Next up? Eleanor Rigby, carried brilliantly by the amazing 2-woman Creme Tangerine Strings (bass cello and violin). Moving through to Yellow Submarine -- the audience "happy favorite" -- nudged playfully by Will Lee to sing along and sing along is what we did! From little kids to people my parents' age -- everyone sailed on to the sun as the Fab Faux navigated an etherial musical sound effect experience. It really was clear at that moment that every one of us (every one of us) has all we need (all we need).

Here There and Everywhere really brought the older folks in the audience alive, many of those couples snuggling closer maybe it was at one time "their song"? One thing is for sure: it was their song in that moment. She Said She Said showed us drummer Rich Pagano like we hadn't seen him yet that night WHOAH! It also made me remember how much I'd forgotten (and loved!) that song.

At this point, the jolly-adorable Frank Agnello asked us to "turn the record over" and then Vivino said something about separating seeds -- to much laughter, and some confusion (I laughed). And side 2 began with Good Day Sunshine's winsome percussion giving way to For No One's bittersweet beauty. Got to Get You Into My Life (carried by the bold brass of the Hogshead Horns) took me and every other east coast "kid" in the house "down the shore" -- for some reason, that song reminds us all of that trek to the freedom of the atlantic ocean -- you guys know who you are. And sadly, I realized the last song (and my Revolver favorite) of the album had arrived, and so with a deep sigh I inhaled the soul-searing trippy-psychelic Tomorrow Never Knows, featuring the sitar stylings of Jimmy Vivino.

the encore:

A 5-song balls out serenade that began with Will Lee screaming "After Revolver, we wanna ROCK!" That sparked the unmistakable riff of Paperback Writer, followed by Penny Lane, where the Hogshead Horns stole the show. My eyes and ears took in every second of that song because it's so rich with "extras" and the Fab Faux missed nothing. I Want the Money brought the old folks back into sing-a-long mode (is it ok to say that i prefer the Flying Lizards' cover of this song?) And the night ended with All You Need Is Love. Right down to "she loves you, yeah yeah yeah", it was the perfect end to a perfect evening. My cheeks were sore from the 2 1/2 hour perma-grin on my face. As I made my way out of the venue, I could overhear tidbits of lively conversations, but my favorite was from a boy, no more than 10 years old, holding his dad's hand, looking up and declaring: "Dad, that was awesome!" And so onto another generation is passed the Beatles' seminal and timeless gift that helps us all make our way across the universe.

If the Fab Faux come to your city, go.

big flu, pig flu...ha ha charade you are

you may recognize the plagiarism in my title, swiped from the pink floyd song "pigs" from the "animals" album. but really, isn't this whole swine flu thing a charade? there are only 2 winners in this hype: racists and ratings.

hard to fathom that america's bottom-feeders are calling for the us-mexico border to be closed because someone died from a flu virus. where were those racists when the other 35,999 people died from various flu virrii this past year?

and let's give the media their due: it is after all, may sweeps and broadcasters are vying for your viewership. so it's their JOB to hype this to the hilt. but again, where was the "breaking news" when the other 35,999 people died from flu virii this past year?

turn off the tv and live your life. and if you REALLY are wondering if you have the pig flu, i mean, if the racists and the raters have REALLY gotten you THAT paranoid, you can check out this website, JUST to make sure -- DO YOU HAVE THE SWINE FLU? FIND OUT HERE!